Smile
by sayomi-walker
Summary: Smile. That's what Jean usually sees on Armin's face. Even during times when trying to stop Eren or Mikasa going on a rampage, Armin had a forced smile. During the times where they were about to go into a fight with the titians, Jean saw Armin giving him a reassuring smile. Those were fakes, painfully obvious fakes and Jean hated it. / Not like the summary at all.


Smile. That's what Jean usually sees on Armin's face. Even during times when trying to stop Eren or Mikasa going on a rampage, Armin had a forced smile. During the times where they were about to go into a fight with the titians, Jean saw Armin giving him a reassuring smile. Those were fakes, painfully obvious fakes and Jean hated it.

The time when Jean was discussing with Armin about the reasons why Erwin would choose this road where there would be many deaths involved. Armin did not smile. That was the moment where Jean realized that he would rather Armin smile, even if it's the fake smile he hated. It was much better than the troubled face Armin had. The reason he ruffled Armin's hair in attempt to brighten up the blonde boy.

But he knew by his gut instinct that Armin was someone he could count on. He trusted him more and more. Jean trusted Armin even more when Armin came out with a plans and ideas that saved his life countless of times. He was grateful and yet he could not find a way to thank Armin in this chaos they live in.

Jean did realize that he only had these thoughts for Armin and surprisingly not Mikasa. He reasoned it by being that Armin was a good friend and a great comrade. It was a different feeling compared to Mikasa. But that didn't help with that hollow feeling he felt when he concluded his thoughts.

During the plan of retrieving Eren, Armin saved Jean once, this time by risking himself even when Armin knew that he could die together with Jean. That blue eyed male could have just ran away to safety and left unconscious Jean to die in the hands of a titian. But he didn't. Even at the probability of both of them dying together were high, Armin did not abandon him. Jean admired that courage, yet at the same time wished that Armin would not put himself in such danger again.

He knew that Armin was not pure, not innocent, in fact cynical and deceitful. He knew that so well due to personally witnessing the actions Armin had done. It was for the right cause. Jean repeated that sentence so many times to just stop that guilty feeling he kept feeling when he remembered what happened again. It was to survive.

He repeated that again when he turned away from Armin pleading gaze when the blond male was in a danger of being raped. It became a repetition, a chant he always used when he had to give up one for another. It was happened so frequently, it became the norm. If he tried to save Armin, they would risk their plans and lives of others. He had to, it was needed and it was for survival. He had to swallow down the guilt and the painful feeling in his chest. It became worse when that piece of shit told Armin to take responsibility for his new found attraction. It didn't go away when he tried to steer Armin away and not take notice of what that pervert said and when Armin said he understood why he did that and forgives him. It didn't help when Armin tried to hold back his tears when Jean was comforting him. It was so hard, so painful yet Jean felt a little happy when Armin leaned more towards him when he held Armin's shoulder. Jean could only berate himself internally for feeling happy when Armin was suffering.

When he was about to be killed due to his hesitation, Armin saved him. In turn Armin stained his hands and a life haunting him. It was also the time he found about his slight attraction to Armin. When he saw the pained face that the boy was making after the body fell down. He felt even worse when he saw Armin blaming himself for killing the assassin. He knew it was not the first time Armin saved him and he only kept feeling grateful and happy about the fact. Armin whom looked the weakest among guys and probably girls excluding Christa, saved his ass many times and he doesn't feel a least bit of shame. He only blamed himself for not pulling the trigger and being a coward for not wanting to stain his hands. His guilt felt more severe when Levi pulled a lecture out about him deciding to pull the trigger or not. Grasping his Hands, he decided to pull some of his weight and do something.

Thinking back, he hadn't seen Armin smile in ages. Maybe he would be slightly proud of him this time and maybe he would be able to see his smile. If that didn't work, it would work if he picked a fight with that annoying brat. A fake smile would suffice now. That's the reason he should work even harder to not just return alive. He had to return with everyone.

"Captain! Please leave it to me!"

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First attempt in a long time to start writing fanfictions again. Also the first attempt to start writing a happier scenario, I mean it probably wasn't all that sad but hey I tried. First SnK fanfiction and I have no idea how it went and the first story to write in narrative view. I kinda just wrote this at work and so it was written in fragments and probably makes no sense between paragraphs. Which I will edit this when I am much more free. /which is probably never. .

Anyways this story just went off rails halfway through and I kinda forced it to come back on track, or else I would have no idea how to end this. And you could probably see how awkward everything is. Still stuck with a curse that at least one character will die in my story. /cough cough the failed assassin cough cough/ but eh, its still a happier story.

REVIEW AND FAVOURITE IT IF YOU LIKED IT~


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